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[14 Sep 2006|04:49pm] |
so i know i just changed my LJ name but honestly, this one makes me feel juvenile and scene. dont ask me why, i just do. so add my new journal because im abandoning this one.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) heathearth
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[29 Aug 2006|02:32am] |
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it is said that Jared Leto's singing career started on My So-Called Life, right? right. WELL THIS IS MY THEORY: Jake Epstein, who is Craig on Degrassi, will be the next Jared Leto. Thank you and goodnight.
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[27 Aug 2006|07:37pm] |
im deleting everyone but cami, chris, nicole, amber, lisa, steven, other nicole, meaghan and brian.
any objections, let me know.
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[23 Aug 2006|10:49pm] |
the funeral was today. it was very classy and beautiful. we drove to his house in rolesville where everyone was and ate a little bit then the short limo came and his children (my dad and 2 autns) and their families (my brothers, mom, uncle, cousins and me) rose in it and everyone else followed the short limo to the church. after the service, everyone walked across the church with the coffin, a few words were said, flowers were placed on his coffin and then everyone gathered back into their cars and went back to the house to have more food and just hang out.
its been a really hard day. my aunt and her husband and son are staying with us til tomorrow. its hard to watch grown people cry, especially when they are related to you, especially when its your dad. i tried so hard not to cry today, i tried to be strong for my dad but the service was too much for me. i realized today that hes really gone. i only saw him a few times a year but i love him and miss him so much. my dad does too, when he told me that a little while ago i started tearing up again. i hate seeing him like this. my dads sisters are wrecks. worse than my dad and thats so hard as well. he was only 71 and died of cancer. everything reminds me of the fact that he died. like yesterday before we went to the wake i was watching 8 simple rules and it was the episode of the dads funeral and i keep seeing commercials and shit for cancer and flipping through channels i see funerals or coffins or something. just little things like that once i get my mind on something else and then im reminded of what happened. i cant handle it, its too much right now. i love my dad so much, i love my granddad so much and everyone keeps saying hes not in pain anymore, hes in a better place now but still, its just so fucking hard. and i just want my dad to get better and the rest of my family of course. i cant do this. ive only been to a few funerals. my grandma clarks (which i was too young to remember very well), kelli's, natalie's dad and jerel's wake. so basically, ive never had a relative that i knew well die. again, its so hard.
its been a really shitty month.
-brian moved to florida
-percylla moved to pembroke
-i fucked up a decent job oppourtunity
-my granddaddy died
-a few other friends moved away for college and what not
-hey, i still dont have a job and EVERYONE else does! woo!
-i feel like i gained weight, thats pretty sucky
-phil's gone for a week today
-a bunch of little shit that i wont mention
BUT
+i got closer with phil
+i got awesome jeans
+i got my car fixed kind of
yeah pathetic but thats me trying to look on the brighter side. lame.
im tired, my head hurts, im sick of crying, i want to dye my hair, and im cranky. sucks.
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[21 Aug 2006|04:53am] |
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R.I.P. Grandaddy Clark
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[14 Aug 2006|11:45am] |
SO another update, let us begin.
saturday morning was indeed a depressing morning. i didnt get to sleep until about 4 something and woke up around 8 to go to brians. i hung out there while he was packing up the last bit of his things with meaghan. landon came a little later and we hung out for not too long. we said our goodbyes and that was it. i cried pretty much the whole way home, that part really sucked, haha, but its all good, he'll be back thanksgiving time.
percylla leaves this morning if she hasnt already left but shes just going an hour away for college. mike seemed real sad last night cuz she wasnt there but she showed up for a little bit last night to spend some more time with mike and mike went over there later that night. awww its cute
( yesterdayyy... )
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[11 Aug 2006|12:57pm] |
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a couple days ago i found out that my grandaddy clark is in the hospitol again. last year he was diagnosed with colon cancer and it had spread but he got much better and was fine. it came back and its spread all over his body so hes back in the hospitol. me and my brother went to see him yesterday. my aunt leah and grandma vonne and cindy and some random people that are some how related to me were there. everyone left but me, leah and chris. we were just talking catching up since we dont see much of each other and since my granddaddy was asleep. hes doing better i think but when i walked into the room and saw his face, i could have just broken down right there. but i didnt, i justput a smile on my face and talked. i dont even want to talk about how he looks right now. after we left i dropped my brother off and went to mikes. i was fine until i started to tell percylla about how he looks. i went inside and sat on the couch with phil and started to feel the tears coming on so i just sat in mikes bathroom adn cried for a good bit. i cried for my grandaddy cuz hes so miserable in there, i cried for my dad, i cried for kelli, i cried for her family, i cried for my family, but i mostly cried for my dad. i know this is life and we all have to go through the death of a parent, but he doesnt deserve any sort of pain what so ever. at least in my eyes he doesnt.
its really hard. ive never been exposed to death until this year. i mean, in 2nd grade my grandma clark died and jerel died a couple years ago but i wasnt very close with either of them. but this year when natalies dad died, i realized this is real and its hard. and then kelli died and i had to learn first hand how to deal. yesterday i realized, hey, my grandaddy might die but i felt like if that did happen, i can handle it, i can put aside the fact and be there for my dad. im ranting.
please, do not comment on the above paragraph.
anyway
+ phil is pretty much the greatest
- brian leaves this weekend.
- percylla leaves monday.
+ i applied at the animal hospitol in north raleigh
- i ran out of money again, haha
+ me and mandy are going to see AMY today. i havent seen her in so long
+ amber is due soon. which just blows my fucking mind.
- brian leaves this weekend.
- nicole has already moved to greenville
- im getting real tired of some people. i miss the old them, the fun them. gay.
-/+ i missed warped tour
this is gay.
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